MR. N

The Wilbur Wright faculty was expected to attend a P.T. A. open house held each fall. The teachers sat in the first few rows of the auditorium as Mr. Holmes talked to the parents from the stage. The procedure never varied. Each teacher would rise and face the parents as the principal called his name and recited an anecdote that he thought appropriate to that particular teacher. He associated Mr. N with being a Master Mason in the Masonic Lodge. However, when he introduced the very dignified Mr. N, it didn't come out just right.

"And now we have Mr. N who is a masturbator. In fact, I understand he is one of the biggest masturbators in town." Several teachers waved their hands to gain his attention. He thought for a moment, and unflustered, he corrected himself. "Perhaps Mr. N is a masturbator. I don't know. But what I meant to say is
 

NEVER A LENDER OR BORROWER BE

Several coaches were in Mr. Holmes' office asking to land some athletic equipment to another school that needed it. The principal went into a long dissertation on why it was against school policy to loan ' or borrow school equipment. Just then the woman in charge of the cafeteria entered and said that they couldn't have lunch that day because the church to which Mr. Holmes had loaned the silverware had not returned it.
 

THE GYM TRUNKS

The gym teacher wasn't much over five feet tall, but he was built like a miniature bull. He ran a tight ship, and when one of his students disobeyed him, that student received swift, stern punishment. One day, this bull-like man asked two other teachers to witness a paddling in the locker room. He yelled at the student that this was the third time he had forgotten his gym trunks and warned him never to forget them again. After making the student bend over, he picked up the largest, heaviest, most ferocious looking paddle ever used by anyone anywhere. He gave a Babe Ruth-like swing, and one could almost smell burning flesh. Both witnesses jumped as the paddle made contact. "Geez," one of them muttered. "If I'd forgotten my gym trunks, I'd have taken scissors and cut off my trousers!"